Out of the Comfort Zone

This week was one of tears for many parents. It marked the end of summer and the start of the new school year. Some shed tears of sorrow while others shed tears of joy. The mood in the Stepleton house was a combination of the two. Though our summer was fun, it was also exhausting. After all, three year olds don’t seem to understand that summers are meant for sleeping in! These last few months were filled with lots of play dates, time at the pool, family visiting from out of town, and even a trip to see friends in Minnesota! We also had speech twice a week and managed to conquer potty training! Though summer was fun, this mom was ready for a much needed break in the day!

We had been preparing Hudson all week by reminding him that he was going to be going back to school. With a ridiculous amount of enthusiasm – we would excitedly remind him of all the friends and teachers he was going to be seeing. We even had a chance to go to an open house for his school to let him come and get re-acclimated with the classroom. He seemed set…until we walked on to campus Monday morning.

He quickly recalled the routine that was to come. He would line up at the wall, mom and dad would leave, and he would spend the next 6 hours out of his comfort zone. We hadn’t even made it to the wall before he was saying, “Mommy and daddy stay.” We kept reassuring him that we would wait with him until school started, but that we had to go because we needed to buy his new Lego. (Yes, we called upon some assistance from Lego to help kick-start our son’s enthusiasm for school.) Even the promise of a new Lego wasn’t enough for him to willingly line-up with his other classmates. Eventually the teacher held his hand and the class walked to their first stop of the day (the playground). Every step of the way he kept looking back, and with each look my eyes welled with more tears.

It is painfully difficult to disregard the pleas of your child as they cry out for you. As they turn back with a look that says Mama, I need you. It feels like you are betraying their trust, but you’re not. As much as I want to protect Hudson and keep him near me at all times and allow him to feel as safe and secure as possible – I more desperately want him to overcome his challenges. I want Hudson to know that I will always be available for comfort and empathy, but I won’t shy away from allowing him to experience discomfort.

The reality is that with his autism, the more that I coddle him – the more dependent he’ll be on me. The more that I keep him in what is comfortable, the smaller his world will be. If his world is too small, then he won’t learn to be flexible. If he can’t learn to be flexible, then life will be filled with an unnecessary amount of disappointment. I want my son to be able to cope with the ups and downs of life. I want him to try new things. I want him to be on the solution side. I want him to have meaningful relationships. I want him to grow. I want him to continue overcoming his challenges.

As I was thinking through this concept this week, a movie clip came to mind. It’s a powerful scene from the movie Ray. Please watch it below.

His mom choosing not to step in and help may at first appear to be cruel. After all – the poor kid was blind, had fallen, and was calling out for help. However, the help she gave her son was not in coming to his aid. It was allowing him to discover his inner strength. By forcing him out of his comfort zone – he was learning how to “see” with his ears. She withheld a momentary comfort to help build up a lifelong confidence.

Though it may be out of MY comfort zone - that is the type of mom I want to strive to be.