FIRST and THEN

As we were winding down for the evening the other day, Sean called Hudson into the playroom to help clean up. Though Hudson walked into the room, he wasn’t really helping with much. I’m pretty sure both he and Sean were overwhelmed by the task at hand. After all – Hudson knows how to put the CAR in CARpet. They were everywhere!

Sean started cleaning up train tracks while he had Hudson focus on putting his Hot Wheels in his toy chest. The problem is that when Hudson starts collecting his cars to clean-up, he remembers how fun they are to play with! Needless to say, he gets off track and it takes longer than it should to clean-up. In all honesty – it would probably take Sean and I two minutes to get the job done, but it’s a value in our family to teach personal responsibility. And when you’re 3, personal responsibility means putting your toys away.

After several attempts at trying to keep Hudson focused, we all started getting frustrated. Before giving up, I decided to try one last tactic. I said, “Hudson, FIRST we need to clean up cars and THEN we can play hide-n-seek.” Immediately his attention perked up and cars started flying into the toy chest. The reason he wasn’t helping us before was because he wasn’t motivated. Until he knew what was coming next, the task at hand seemed purposeless.

This week – there have been times when I have felt like I needed to know the next step…or two…or three. I’m a planner. I tend to deal better with change when I know what is coming. It gives me a chance to prepare myself emotionally. If you ever drive somewhere new with me, then be prepared to call out at least the upcoming three moves on MapQuest directions. When I have to have a difficult conversation with someone, I’m the type of person that plans for multiple outcomes to the conversation. “If they say this, then I’ll say that. But if they say that, then I’ll say this.” And my husband can attest that I am the type of person that asks questions at the movies (quietly mind you); even if neither of us has seen the movie. “Who is that? Why are they doing that? Are they a good guy or a bad guy?”

Most of the questions rolling around in my mind recently have had to do with the future. Are we on track in life? Are we going to be in Vegas forever? Are we going to have more children? Should I start working again? Are we ever going to have a house? If I knew what was on the horizon, then I could start moving in the right direction. But alas, I don’t have the answers to these questions. Therefore, I don’t know the next steps that I’m supposed to take. *Sigh*

However, I am trying to grow in living out the Biblical philosophy of worry. The Message translation of Matthew 6:34 says, “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Ultimately, when we spend our time worrying – we miss out on the blessings, the grace, and the joy that comes with each day. And with a special kid like Hudson – my day is filled with lots of moments of joy.

So as I’m trying to grow in releasing control and worry, I’ve tried to look at my future the way we challenge Hudson to look at his…one step at a time. I’m learning to better embrace that FIRST we enjoy today, THEN we see what tomorrow holds.