Sean and I were married for seven years before we decided we wanted to try for kids. And then it was another four years before Hudson finally came along. Though we were anxious to have our own shot at parenting, we definitely used our season of waiting to learn from others that were ahead of us. Sometimes you learn from others mistakes. Sometimes you learn from their victories. And some lessons you can't fully grasp until you experience them yourself. Let's take for instance the stereotypical screaming kid at Wal-Mart.
When I was an aspiring parent and would encounter these "screamers," I would find myself thinking, "I will NEVER let my kid act like that." Or "I would NEVER use bribery." Or "My kid will NEVER be a whiner." It only made me feel all the more anxious to show the world that things can be done a different way! Well - there is a Biblical saying that pride comes before the fall!
Fast forward to present day and I can assure you that I have violated ALL of my "never" statements several times over. And to add a level of complexity - Hudson's autism makes him even MORE susceptible to emotional outbursts and tantrums. Hudson is definitely teaching me to enjoy the taste of Humble Pie. In fact - just the other day he presented me with yet another serving.
We were walking around (you guessed it) Wal-Mart and happened to be perusing the toy aisle. One thing Hudson is pretty good about is window shopping. We can tell him we're not going to buy anything, and he's usually ok with just looking.
All of a sudden while I'm looking at puzzles, I hear my son burst into tears and Sean trying to console. Hudson wanted nothing to do with consoling. I asked Sean what happened and he said he had no idea. Hudson had asked for help putting a tricycle away. But once Sean helped him, he became upset. He went from 0 to 10 in a matter of seconds. He was screaming, kicking, and snotting all over the place - and we had no idea why! And a quirky OCD-like comfort that Hudson has is tissue. The moment we start trying to address his behavior he starts screaming for tissue because he wants to wipe his face. He becomes obsessed with needing tissue and won't listen to reason. Unfortunately we didn't have any on us so we continued to try and console and he continued to scream louder.
It's at this point that we sat him down on a bottom shelf of a display and gave him a time out. While we're waiting for our son to stop hyperventilating - I notice that we're putting on the 3 o'clock show at Wal-Mart. Stick around - you won't want to miss the grand finale! Yes - we are the family everyone is staring at. Everything in me wanted to high tail it to our van. But then I recalled the words of wisdom that my friend Darla left me with after she had kids. "The reason you shop at Wal-Mart is because EVERYONE'S kids scream at Wal-Mart!" So after putting my pride aside - Sean and I talked and felt it was best to help Hudson calm down before giving in to his demand of tissue. We don't want him to learn that he can emotionally manipulate us because he cries or because we might get embarrassed. Slowly he started to calm down and we were able to explain that if he wanted tissue we could get some from mommy's van. But if we were going to go to mommy's van, he needed to stop crying first. Eventually the tears subsided and I was able to walk back to our car and pretend like it was someone else's kid screaming. (Just kidding!)
Though I walked back to the van a little emotionally drained - I also felt victorious. I was able to put my pride aside and invest into my son. I was able to persevere through an awkward parenting moment. I was able to do what was best for him and not my ego. And I'm continuing to learn more and more that there is no cookie-cutter way to address a distressed child. All we can do is choose our battles, keep humility and love in the equation, and sometimes a lollipop in your purse to help shape and mold the little lives we've been trusted with.
And one things for sure when it comes to parenting - never say never!
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